Thus spake the man :

• You can study and get any certificate,but you cannot get your death certificate

• 2) You may have AIRTEL or BSNL connection but when you sneeze you’ll say HUTCH

• 3) You can bcome an engineer if u study in an engineering college,but you cannot become a president if you study in Presidency College

• 4 ) You can expect a BUS from a BUS stop,but you cannot expect a FULL from FULL stop

• 5) A mechanical engineer can become a mechanic but a software engineer cannot become a software

• 6 ) You can find tea in a teacup,but cannot find the world in a world cup

• 7) You can find keys in a keyboard,but you cannot find your mother in a motherboard.

Go ahead,take a bow,I say,take a bow..

Of late,I have been highly contemplative,pondering over the ifs and buts of all occurences,leading to an eternal mental unrest.Agreed everything has a certain probability of occurence,which might vary depending upon other extraneous factors.However,our minds are never satisfied with these numbers especially when we don’t get we want,which happens around approximately 99 percent.How many times have we noticed the bus we badly want,shoot off in the opposite direction once in every 5 minutes?Considering a 2 lane road,the probability of a bus coming on either lane should be around 1/2.Yet it always happens that these numbers fail us.Also,there are several instances in life where even several more things have an equal probability of occurence;but then,how many of these things do really serve the purpose,we never know.A hardly stated,yet significantly true fact is that,probability is oblivious to all the evil aspects of an occurence.It is never influenced by all the goody goody characteristics and fails to create a bias towards the ‘right’ side.We all play Snakes and Ladders.Isnt it unfair that getting bitten by a snake and taking a ladder to victory on a particular roll of dice have the same probability?(on some occasions atleast)We are all noble souls,lol,but then numbers are fair,numbers are impartial etc.Numbers,not always,are right.When you supposedly live off your karma,how can you explain being subjected to an equal probability of toss of a coin,when a tail can make me happy (i.e Im a good Karma person)



All this is basically because I took up engineering when I had a gazillion other choices.Say,I could have even become a pizza delivery boy,a political party youth leader,a ghazal singer etc.But I didnt,I stuck to the conventions of my time and by God,it sucks.I could have gone on another path,as the rules of probability permitted me to.No,something did not let me,what could overpower the other probable choices,choices which were sanctioned by numbers,which people claim are omnipotent and omnipresent (The golden ratio is supposed to be all over nature).Maybe the human mind is the answer.The mind filters the equal choices picking the ‘right’ one.Assuming there exists only one ‘right’ choice,then the probability of the mind choosing a ‘wrong’ one is way higher,which is most unfair.Some math geek has to work out why numbers fail to see beyond the materialistic world.For all you know,it could get you a Fields Medal someday.Im bored now,I have nothing to do that interests me,Im pissed,I hate equal probability,I hate 1/2 or 2/4 or 3/6 and so on.And yeah,engineering SUCKS..

The Smile Brigade is an esteemed organization that strives to create gleeful faces.One of their ‘funny’ quotes goes like this : “Whenever I find the key to success,someone changes the lock”.Now at first sight,it fails to impress,worse than say any of Manish Krishnan’s pearls of wisdom.But then,compelled to watch the same thing being repeated for nearly 47 times,I gave it a deeper thought.I drew a parallel to a rather passionate childhood game,’Lock and Key’.The catcher possesses the ability to lock or bind any of the players,by doing which he succeeds.Thus,one could say the catcher holds the key to success.But then,any of the non-locked players in the game can also unlock their locked mate.Does this mean all the players barring the locked have ‘THE’ key?Also,at times more than one person can be locked,or the same person need not be locked always.Since there exists the rule/necessity that all players possess a key,any player should be able to unlock himself,if he gets locked by the evil catcher.This is not possible as the ancient,sacred rules of the game would be violated.Thus,in spite of retaining the key,the locked still crouch as slaves of the evil catcher.In the end,our fate seems to lie in the hands of the evil catcher,deeming the key useless.The key now exists only as an instrument for aid for other locked persons,and not oneself.Consequently,the key to success lies in lending a helping hand to our friends,Romans and countrymen and not in egoistic activites.The Smile Brigade urges us to be unselfish in endeavours as it would not merit success,with the lock being changed time and again by a certain someone,say God ( for fanatics like Ranjiv,name him anyway you want ) ;only such a demeanor could ensure joy and an everlasting grin.Ergo,no ego.

The past few days of my chronic vacation have been saturated with a certain TV series,Boston Legal.It basically portrays the affluent lives and grandeur of the lawyering profession,along with the twists of a Sun TV mega serial.Yet,what makes this seem a class apart are the characters,Alan Shore and Denny Crane.Gifted and glib,they possess the venerable quality of seeing the lighter side on almost all things,including murder,rape etc.However,due to my addiction to this series,my mind has been impregnated with the idea that it is quite simple to commit a crime and escape unscathed,without any conviction,in the US of A.Now being an alien to their surroundings,I do not understand their laws.The accused get away on most occasions in the name of reasonable doubt or temporary insanity.Come on,a woman shoots a man between the eyes in broad daylight and goes on to claim that she was acting as instructed by the voice of God and her clever,badgering lawyer pleads temporary insanity successfully.Cant deny the fact that “In God we trust”.



Yes,agreed that this is not a reality TV series.Still there is bound to be some credibility.On discussing the matter at length with a would-be lawyer friend,I was astonished to discover that the show did reflect the actual US legal system.People are more than willing to sue each other left,right and centre,which is further emphasized when the protagonist states in court,”Lawsuits are a rather profiteering form of business”.This system sucks.A lung thief,a psychopath with the oedipus complex,a woman who steals sperm to get herself a baby all evade jail term as there exists ‘reasonable doubt’.Till date,in spite of the killer’s confession,he/she is let off as there is ‘reasonable doubt’ over her ’sanity’ resulting in the temporary insanity plea.The legal system,as illustrated,seems volatile and subject to interpretation.It is malleable to any shrewd lawyer who mints millions.Agreed the show doesn’t depict any discrepancies in meting out justice to the poor or the coloured people.But then,if the law seems to be bent like a 30 cm steel ruler,how does it matter who bends it?To what use are all those 10th and 20th amendments to the Constitution,when the fundamental framework itself is so feeble.



Attorneys are glorified and so is their intellect.Their histrionics in the courtroom grant them that defining edge in convincing a naive jury.They alter and conquer the stringent of jurisprudential minds through verbal onslaughts and chicaner.After all,their invincibility is only surpassed by our beloved Captain Vijaykanth,when he’s off to Kashmir or somewhere else to ward off extremist elements.



P.S. : For all you know,I could be sued for writing this by some suit clad,leather briefcase carrying Mojo

It was my birthday yesterday and my dad graciously decided to take me and my bro to this stud restaurant.As we were furiously making inroads into our plates,the waiter suddenly brought a rich,juicy,delicious chocolate cake with a lit candle.That was not it.There was a live piano cum saxophone performance going on,which was interrupted to wish me a Happy Birthday first and then went on to express the same musically also,thus ensuring several glances towards our tables.I wouldn’t say I was exactly embarrassed,but it hit me only then that my parents were oblivious to me turning 22,growing old etc.My bro and me continued to attack our table with ever increasing tenacity,a cake added now to the already existing,well,lets just say food plates.



The weird part comes now.10 minutes later,the performance was interrupted again for another announcement or rather,to commend a monumental achievement.Yes,to quote,”We,the staff and faculty of restaurant X congratulate Mrs and Mr. Ravi on a successful,happy and prosperous return from their honeymoon”.This was one of a kind and will always be so.



P.S. : I do not know the Ravis…this should strike off a certain Ravi couple from the list :-)

Yes,I finally made it,I became a graduate.Not that I never even thought I wouldn’t become one.The Western world deems it necessary to celebrate a person passing out of school.Several miles away,in India,where the education system is a gazillion times more competitive and students another gazillion times more sophisticated,brilliant etc.,all that we do is break our heads over the choice of a college.Is it the fault of those students who prefer to dwell in their momentary achievement,no matter how significant it is,or do we blame ourselves for having forgotten to take pride in what we do,the way we live .Why am I not able to feel proud of graduating as a Mechanical Engineer..Maybe cos lakhs of men/women graduate as engineers along with me every year,maybe cos I haven’t accomplished anything path-breaking [yet] as an engineer in the last 4 years,maybe cos I don’t want to be an engineer in the first place.We boil down to 2 roads,both define our lives - choice and chance.I decided to pursue engineering cos it was bloody damn convention to do so.For heavens sake,it was blasphemy not to do so.Of course,there were a few heretics in those days,there always are.I felt dragged into an ocean with a million ton boulder strapped to my ankle,but I swam through.I did cos I wanted to mingle with the crowd,I didn’t want to stand out.Hey,I would go down only if they did,every single one of them.It was this sickening attitude that I carried through to my college as well.I suffered,I really did,there were times where I wanted to jump the gates,hitch hike my way to another land,where I could assume a totally different identity,a new persona,where I could choose,where I was not bound by the shackles of convention or the fear of breaking them.It is this morbid fear that prevents us from lagging behind in the rat race,sustains our spirit,in the process drains our soul.Agreed circumstances influence our decisions,for instance at a younger age,not in this country,I couldn’t play cricket for a team I wanted to cos I was not a native.Come on,Indians are over the Silicon Valley,there is not a single nation in this planet which can boast to be devoid of Indians.And Im off to work in a month,Im not sure this is what I want.However,I will do it,I will adapt,I will cos I have no choice.There exists the possibility that I may love my job,till then I shall keep my fingers crossed.I will go on to do things that I have to,to survive,to keep pace with my ever changing confines.Not for long though,for soon I shall be ready,as Robert Frost said,’to take the road less taken by’.



P.S : I turn 22 in another twenty minutes.. :-)

The current eon has been marked by the emergence of soaps as a potent force in the entertainment industry.Be it Michael Scofield of Prison Break or Abi of Kolangal,they cater to the tastes of a population as diverse as ours.The average man enjoys the changes in fortune of these characters and draws a parallel to his own checkered life.He laughs when he they laugh and weeps his heart out along with them.It is not really unfair to say that the producers of these soaps feast on our emotions,but then,to their credit,they seem to do it real well.In spite of airing on almost a daily basis,they never fail,for even a second,to let go of the viewer’s interest.Not really suprising when statistics show that advertisers prefer these hours to that when a ShahRukh Khan blockbuster is aired..( However,Superstar is still the champ)



So what makes these soaps really enjoyable??For starters,the creativity of the directors deserves a standing ovation.It takes Karan Johar or Martin Scorcese ages to come up with a new plot,while the soap dudes do it every week.In case of the Indian industry,these guys have a knack concocting a twist in the last sec of the friday episode.Hence,all mothers and housewives have this stinging thought of what will happen next.Well,curiosity kills the cat.Not to forget,new characters keep springing into the plot as often as the sun sets.You miss a coupla episodes,you’ll have a lot of catching up to do :-) ..These guys also know how to play the right cards at the right time to hit it off with the audience.Consider the series “Friends” - probably the only series which’l keep giving you a tickle no matter how many times you watch it.10 seasons is truly remarkable for something that revolves around just 6 people.Yes,people did keep sleeping around with each other,there were lots of hot people on the show,so who cares..it still is enjoyable.There are a few obstinate punks who claim it is just another over-rated thing like ‘Who’s the Crown Prince of King Kalaignar’..lol..However,there is also this section who think they’re cool and hip by comparing themselves with the flamboyant Chandler Bing..’You suck’ to the former and ‘Nice try,sore losers’ to the latter.



The soaps have been an integral part of our lives..We exist in a world today where they are the best source of recreation for nearly 50% of the feminine society..( we do know the answer for the other half,dont we? ;-D ) ,where they are souls like me who are waiting for monday to arrive so that they can download the next ‘Heroes’ episode,where there are people who put night-outs so that they can watch Prison Break,where they are idle minds who fight over ‘Friends vs Seinfeld’,where the women in our society are empowered by Abi and Oprah Winfrey.A climactic point has been reached where mutual co-existence seems to be the only solution.As they continue to prosper and make merry,so shall the Days of Our Lives… :-)

Been into sports since the time I started drinking Boost and over these past few days,I have been pondering what could be the defining moment in sports history that I have seen.The sports arena is characterised by the ambivalence of one’s feelings and mixed reactions.In some pastures of the world,sports is “The Religion”.A win or loss could be the thin line between life and death.Consider soccer derbies - The San Siro derby,The El derby ( Real v Barca ) etc..Soccer hooliganism attains its zenith at the culmination of these fascinating encounters.For a few,sports is just about everything in life,for the rest,its much much much much more..



Now,assaying the defining moments in sports history..(again,those I ve personally witnessed)..For starters,the recent wizardy exhibited by a prodigy named Lionel Messi,without showing us why pundits assert him to be a class apart.For long,skeptics have been yelling their hearts out as to why Jose Pekerman didn’t play Messi in that doomed World Cup Q/F vs Germany.Some have acknowledged Messi’s goal to be the greatest goal ever surpassing Maradona’s.To those people,NO WAY..Maradona is God and no goal can claim to bettered the one vs England,Mexico,1986..Then,Pete Sampras winning 7 Wimbledon titles..nah,great,extraordinary but still aint there yet..Move to the NBA Finals sometime back,Bulls v Jazz..Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen bring bulls back from the brink of defeat,yet there is the lack of the knockout punch.In comes Steve Kerr,an unknown quantity in this Bulls arsenal,aware of the clock furiously ticking by,Bulls trailing,Kerr shoots of his first touch,in goes the ball with a huge Swoosh..Bulls fans erupt in ecstasy and the rest is history.Now what makes this special is the fact that Kerr did it,had Jordan drained it,it would have been regarded as yet another display of this genius’s ability..



We now enter Indian Cricket..The first thing that comes up - Sachin Tendulkar with that one hell of an innings ( or two??) at Sharjah v Australia,when all the chips were down and out,one man changed the course of everything.Unperturbed by a sandstorm,the Maestro kept goin on till he got what he wanted.Next comes Harbhajan Singh..again v Australia,probably the only Indian barring Kumble to bowl India to victory.Regarded as a novice and easy prey for the indomitable Aussies prior to that series,Harbhajan came of age and matured into a world class offie.But the most entertaining one would be Name : DADA aka Sourav Ganguly Venue : Lord’s dressing room Act : Removal of attire..lol..That shirt stripping will be Indian Cricket’s most cherished moment ( people don say Sreesanth,he’s a loser ) in a long time to come.Defining moment?Could be,a couple of young lads set to repair the damage and boy!they did it in an amazing fashion.Lets not forget that our Dada had laid the foundation in that memorable chase.



Im not mentioning Australia winning “N” world cups,Roger Federer winning “N^N” titles cos lets face it..they literally have little or no competition,however,no credit taken from these champion performers.Michael Schumacher,Tiger Woods,Lance Armstrong - unprecedented athletes yet nothing defining from my perspective.Finally,as we narrow down things,Michael Owen announcing his entry at France’98 with something v Argentina that I still am unable to comprehend.18 yrs of age,unflinched at the menacing pushes and budges of Argentine defenders (we all know how much Eng and Arg hate each other),maintaining a perfect composure before slotting the ball or should I say,thulping the ball in.



But the one which takes the cake - Nou Camp 1999 Manchester United v Bayern Munich,UEFA Champions League final,still fresh in my memory :-) Down for most of the game by a goal,The Great Sir Alex Ferguson makes a coupla substitutions,ridiculed by pundits at that stage.We move into second half injury time,final seconds..A corner offers a glimpse of hope..and so it shall be..Teddy Sheringham,the first substitute,makes most of a horrible clearance before putting the ball where it belonged..GOAL..Well,Wait,If u thought u’d seen it all,u aint seen anything yet..another corner won in the almost over injury time now..As the saying goes,It Aint Over until The Fat Lady sings..As i set clenching the remote in a rather unorthodox way,Ole Gunnar Solksjaer,the other substitute,oppurtunistically scores..Yet Another GOAL..The acme of melodrama..Never have I reacted in a way as I did that night,never have I experienced more euphoria than at that moment..It was a dream come true for every United fan and an occasion to cherish for every soccer fan..The Mother of All Comebacks was here..The Grand Daddy of defining moments in sports..