The Woes of a Sorrowful TV Surfer
Posted by Ashish as Uncategorized
There was a time when I used to enjoy watching music channels such as Mtv and Channel V when I had nothing better to do.
There was a time when VJs such as Cyrus, Nikhil, Purab, Shehnaz, Vinay and others used to keep us glued to the tube and happily absorbed for hours together with their chattering, which was often pointless (agreed!!) but also fun and entertaining.
Enter Mtv and Channel V’s “Youth Campaign” and the dream comes to an end.
Recently both the music channels have undergone this image makeover to appeal to the youngsters across the country. According to the heads of the channels, what do young people in the country want? Young, petite and more importantly ‘hot’ VJs ready to wear clothes which hardly count as clothes in most parts of the world. VJs, who have the same IQ as their waist size, who cannot tell a pineapple from an apple, the kind who’re easy on the eyes, so what if they’re unbearable on the ears! But then if you notice all the CCD’s and all the food courts in the various malls across the country only ‘show’ these channels while playing music of their own. Guess this is all a part of a big conspiracy in itself.
Anyway coming back to the topic, recently our youth-oriented channels have started their own versions of reality television in various forms such as Roadies, Get Gorgeous, Teen Diva, Splitsvilla and so on.
All these basically involve disturbed, attention seeking young men and women from different parts of the country fighting it out for their own five seconds of fame on national television.
The latest to hit TV screens across the country is an all new reality show (yeah,right!) called Splitsvilla on Mtv. The concept is simple : twenty girls fight it out for the attention of two guys. Regular ‘dumpings’ take place and the last two girls standing take home the prize ie. The two guys and a truck load of money in this case. I happened to come across this ‘innovative and refreshing’ show while surfing the tube and just almost fell off my chair laughing at the various snippets I happened to catch.
Here are a few samples:
Scene#1: (Inside the hotel, with a gang of girls doing what they do best: gossiping)
Utterly Brainless But Hot Female1 (UBBHF1): I think he is extremely dumb but his bod is fab!
UBBHF2: You think so? I think he’s pretty smart, I mean the other day he filled the entire railway reservation form all by himself and trust me, that’s no mean feat!
UBBHF1: Really? Damn, guess I got him all wrong there.
UBBHF3: You guys can just keep dreaming. I’m going to win this and take him back to Mumbai. I don’t really like him but then this has lots of money.
UBBHF2: Can I keep him if you don’t like him? I’ll obviously return him later to you.
UBBHF3: Sure sure. I was going to keep him only for like three days anyway. Maybe all of you can share him from time to time.
*Giggle* *Giggle*
Scene#2: (On the ground while the regular dumping ceremony takes place)
Brainless Host (BH): UBBHF1, UBBHF2 & UBBHF3, you guys are in the danger zone today. Two of you are going to be dumped today. Guys, tell us who is it going to be?
Totally Retarded Too Full Of Himself Guy1 (TRTFOHG1): I think UBBHF1 and UBBHF2 are really hot but they’re not intellectual enough. Just the other day I saw UBBHF1 reading an Ayn Rand and UBBHF2 discussing the teachings of Buddha with someone. So not cool!
TRTFOHG2: You’re so right Bro! Real men don’t like books or discussing such heavy stuff. We like bikes, booze and women and considering that, UBBHF3 totally takes the cake: she likes all of them too!
TRTFOHG1: She’s into women too? (Winks and high-five’s TRTFOHG2!) That’s so cool! Way to go Bro!
BH: Sorry UBBHF1 & UBBHF2, you’re just not ‘cool’ enough for this show! Pack your bags.
(Camera focusing on the faces of the contestants, tense music from the 70’s on)
The saddest part of the entire story? Guys and girls across the country religiously following the proceedings on such mind-numbing shows, making it a ritual to discuss this over cups of coffee in over-priced coffee shops and other such hangouts. People who choose to not watch this brand of television are subjected to contempt and mockery, making them some kind of a social outcast.
Ahh, what times are we living in??!!
Popularity: 6%
Disclaimer
Posted by Ashish as Uncategorized
All the thoughts and views expressed on this page are solely of the writer (who’s slightly retarded anyway!) and at no point of time, intended to hurt anyone’s feelings.
All the readers are advised to always take into consideration the writer’s mental stability before taking offence at anything written here.
By the way, if you’re looking for something deeply insightful, philosophical & meaningful or some really flowery usage of the queen’s language, I seriously suggest you close this page right now.
In case, you’re persistent enough to still read on (which automatically suggests you’re as jobless as I am), the writer or nobody, for that matter, should be held responsible for the serious moral & mental damages that you’re likely to suffer after reading this!
On a parting note, may The Lord save your mortal soul!
Popularity: 3%
Lets Talk : Part 1
Posted by Ashish as Uncategorized
Time: 5:30 P.M.
To Meet: Mr. & Mrs. Abhilash Khanna.
Purpose: Divorce.
“I can only hope I can wrap it up today. Heaven knows I deserve the weekend after this!” He said it aloud.
Although Mr. Khurana had handled a number of divorce cases before, most of them ugly and in a particular number of cases, He witnessed the partners being at each others’ throats quite literally too, but the couple in question here was the most respiteful one he’d ever taken on as clients. How a ‘love’ marriage which took place despite everyone’s opposition, with two successful and sensible people could go so sour, so soon was something he wasn’t able to comprehend himself, with all the years of wisdom and experience behind him. “These guys cant even look each other in the eye now, wonder how they actually managed to fall in love ever..” he mused to himself.
He decided to do away with these questions shooting around in his head, considering it to be another one of life’s ever eluding mysteries and proceeded with another day of property disputes, fighting siblings and partners, fraud, murders and other legal issues.
“Yippee! Another happening day!” he muttered sarcastically to himself.
He immersed himself in work from the moment he entered the office. With two secretaries hovering around him all the time, taking phone calls and fixing meetings to fixing lunch and planning his next week, there was still one question he just couldn’t stop reverting back to “ Why!!?? Why would something like this happen to a pair so clearly made for each other? If this cannot work then it just shakes my faith in the institution of marriage.”
All these thoughts just couldn’t stop the earth from rotating and the hands of the clock from doing their job. He pushed himself back into his work and looked up only when there was a knock on his door. He found himself looking at Mrs. Abhilash Khanna or rather Preity Singh (as she preferred to be addressed) standing at his doorstep.
Popularity: 3%
De Gaali!!
Posted by Ashish as Uncategorized
When was the last time you saw a movie so stupid, so pointless and so, so irritating that it makes you want to stand up right in the middle of the theatre and cry for mercy?
Here’s the answer to all your prayers, the perfect gift for someone you hate:
A ticket to ‘De Taali’.
Director: E.Niwas (Don’t recall the name? The same great director who gave us some of Hindi cinema’s biggest accomplishments in the form of timeless classics such as ‘Love Ke Liye Kuch Bhi Karega’, ‘Dum’ amongst other such brilliant masterpieces.)
Cast (or rather Miscast): Aftab Shivdasani , Riteish Deshmukh, Ayesha Takia, Rimi Sen.
The Plot: It’s about love and friendship, how over a period of time the individuals ferment into the responsible, loving children every parent’s proud of and blah blah… Who am I kidding? The best part about the movie is there is absolutely no plot. It’s like everyday the director came to the sets full of ideas and concepts and began shooting, eventually summing them up calling it yet another one of his masterpieces!
The viewer’s treated to a series of mindless events in the life of a few people neither the director nor the viewer cares about after the first few minutes. Horrible acting and the sensibility of a five-year old in writing the screenplay makes it the torture that it is. Music, by the ever dependable Vishal-Shekhar is the only savior for this horrendous effort by the makers and the effect of which too is diluted by terrible picturisation.
At one point of time in the movie, Riteish Deshmukh allegedly tortures Rimi Sen by strapping her to a chair and making her watch ‘Ram Gopal Varma Ki Aag’. Well I’m sure filmmakers in the future can now consider ‘De Taali’ as a milestone and use it for such references and give further such stupid offerings from Ram Gopal Varma & Yash Chopra a break.
To sum it up, a horrible, painful exercise to watch this flick. It’s one of those rare movies that have the potential to put someone off Hindi cinema forever. Please Please give it a miss if you have any concern for your brain cells.
Popularity: 3%
Aamir - A Must Watch!!
Posted by Ashish as Uncategorized
Directed by Rajkumar Gupta
Starring : Rajeev Khandelwal
Not the kinda title or credits that would make you wanna go into a theatre and watch it, eh? well trust me you have no idea what your’re missing here!
*If you wish to read on, let me issue a spoiler alert here as the next few lines tend to kinda give away the plot of the movie*
One of the best movies our film industry has turned out off-late, Aamir revolves around a young muslim doctor Aamir who after studying and practicing medicine in London for the past few years decides to come back to India after the London blasts and the aftermath thereby. He thinks he’s coming back to his “own” country but sadly realises he’s not welcome here too, which is pretty obvious by the way the authorities at the airport choose to deal with him just because his name is “Aamir” and not “Amar” for that matter.
Once outside, he’s led on this crazy trip by a person on the phone, who claims to hold his family and gives him a set of instructions to follow, following which he would let them go. This sets off Aamir’s journey into the bylanes of Mumbai, to places where he’d never thought he would visit and sights he never thought he would see.
There are no songs, there is no heroine, no “item numbers” to titillate the first benchers nor any dream sequences shot at picturesque locations in Europe. Its a thriller with the twists and turns at the right moments to keep you glued to your seat.
The camera work is excellent, editing has been razor sharp and the background score is topnotch.
In a very subtle way, the director makes you think about issues normally unchartered in Hindi cinema. It makes you want to venture out of your comfort zone. It offers an altogether different perspective on the so-called “terrorists” exisiting in the world and there’s so much more to it than what it appears on the surface.
Kudos to the first time director for taking a bold step, defying convention and making a movie he believes in. Similiar sentiments for the first time actor too for pulling off such a role almost flawlessly. Heaven knows we need more such actors and directors in the Hindi film industry to break the stereotype.
From the box-office reports till now, the movie has’nt really garnered much apart from a lot of critical acclaim. I can only hope the audience warms up to good cinema pretty soon and give such producers and directors the incentive they so rightly deserve!
It took me more than an hour to get back to normal once I saw the movie - such is the impact it creates.
Enough said, I’d really recommend the movie to everyone who likes Good cinema.
Cheers to “Aamir”!!
Popularity: 4%
Tagged!!
Posted by Ashish as Uncategorized
1)LAST MOVIE U SAW IN A THEATRE?
Taare Zameen Par (Yes I cried too!)
2)WHAT BOOK ARE U READING?
The God of Small Things by Arundhathi Roy.
3)FAVOURITE BOARD GAME?
Monopoly!
4)FAVOURITE MAGAZINE?
I would like to say MAXIM but I’d be safe and stick with India Today :)
5)FAVOURITE SMELLS?
The sweet smell of success after consistent efforts and hard-work! Apart from that, the fragrance emancipating from earth when it rains :)
6)FAVOURITE SOUNDS?
The sound of Laughter.
7)WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD?
When you realise that you have let someone down.
8)WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN U WAKE?
Damn i overslept again !!Who the hell switched off my alarm clock !!
9)FAVOURITE FASTFOOD PLACE?
Subway (anyday!!)
10)FUTURE CHILDS NAME?
Kanishka , Karan , Muskaan , Maybe Ashish the second ;)
11)FINISH THIS STATEMENT—’IF I HAD A LOT OF MONEY
I’d directly hand it over to my Parents (The people i trust the most in this world!) and ask them to do whatever they want to.
12)DO U DRIVE FAST?
I kinda do, but then I always make sure I’m in control of the vehicle and not the other way around!
13)DO U SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?
Obviously NO!
14)STORMS–COOL OR SCARY?
Somewhere in between :)
15)WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?
Still dont own one, though do drive around Dad’s Santro all the time :)
16))FAVOURITE DRINK
Iced tea / Orange Juice
17)FINISH THIS STATEMENT-IF I HAD THE TIME I WOULD…
Sit down and watch all the movies on the 100 best movies list by IMDB!
18)DO YOU EAT THE STEMS ON BROCCOLI?
Yes, I eat anything that is remotely edible after moving to the hostel!
19)IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY OTHER COLOUR, WHAT WOULD BE YOUR CHOICE?
Golden Brown (I’ve actually done that once!)
20)NAME ALL THE DIFFERENT CITIES/TOWNS U HAVE LIVED IN?
Kolkata(I was born there!), Surat(Did my schooling there), Kota(JEE/AIEEE prep) , Trichy (College!) and still counting…
21)FAVOURITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Cricket , Football
22)ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
Abinaya ~ Writes really well and has an exceptional command over the language!
23)WHATS UNDER YOUR BED?
Lets see.. My bags, some old newspapers, My sneakers and a couple of spiders :)
24)WOULD U LIKE TO BE BORN AS YOURSELF AGAIN?
I’d rather be someone more good-looking, smarter and obviously RICHER :D
25)MORNING PERSON OR NIGHT OWL?
Totally nocturnal ,party animal! Havent seen the early morning sun for ages now!
26)FAVOURITE ICECREAM FLAVOUR?
Black currant @ Baskin 31 Robbins :)
Popularity: 3%
Reign of the Remakes!!
Posted by Ashish as Uncategorized
Remakes have always been a part of the Hindi film industry. Most of them though remain uncredited towards the original film, claiming to be originals themselves, which are later found out anyway, causing further embarrassment to the makers, whereas some are honest enough to quote the original source. Lately the Hindi film industry has been churning out remakes of successful Hollywood movies by the dozen, which just goes to illustrate the dearth of good, innovative and most importantly original writers we have in the industry.
I, for one, hold nothing against remakes. If one believes he can tell the story in a different, if not better way, add a personal touch to it, I don’t see why remakes shouldn’t be accepted. In fact, if one comes across a story, on which a movie has already been made in some other language, but is a story he believes in and is worth narrating, I, personally, think he should go ahead and make the movie because the people of our country shouldn’t miss out on a good story, the experience of watching good cinema because of language constraints. However, the filmmaker should be honest enough to credit the original maker for his brilliant work.
The audience, on its part, has had its own share of hiccups with remakes, only because the filmmakers couldn’t capture the essence of the story and lost grip over the plot, resulting in disastrous results; the only losers in the process being the audience, who had to sit through such mind-numbing movies. Some examples are as follows:-
(I’m not saying these movies didn’t do good business at the box-office, in fact, some were even declared super-hits, but this doesn’t necessarily make them good movies.)
Phir hera-pheri : Lock, stock & two smoking barrels
Salaam-e-ishq : Love actually
Deewane huye paagal : There’s something about Mary
Qayamat : The rock
Chocolate : The usual suspects
Hum kisise kum nahin : Analyze this
Partner : Hitch
Zinda : Old boy
Ek Ajnabee : Man on Fire
Mujhse shaadi karogi : Anger management
& the list goes on and on and on…….
To sum it up, merely copying a hit movie doesn’t necessarily result in a hit, and more importantly, a GOOD movie, which is something filmmakers need to learn. Until and unless they make an honest effort themselves and perceive the story from their own point-of-view, we will sadly be treated to a series of mind-numbing, pointless cinema products. Honestly, on watching some of the ‘inspired’ movies listed above (Not taking any particular names!), I literally, cried on behalf of the original filmmakers. I can only cross my fingers and hope that the young, sensible and innovative new breed of filmmakers learn from such mistakes and churn out better, quality and meaningful cinema, making us proud. Amen to that!
P.S: A Hollywood remake I’d love to watch? As per the suggestion of one of my very, very talented friends, a Desi version of ‘Face Off’ with Aamir Khan essaying the same role as Nicholas Cage and Shahrukh Khan as the one John Travolta played in the original movie. How about that? That would be some movie, if it ever works out!
Popularity: 3%
It Happened One Monday Afternoon….
Posted by Ashish as Uncategorized
It happened one Monday afternoon, shortly after shifting into the brand new single room in Emerald. It was yet another afternoon off provided to us by the ever-obliging and considerate professors at the Chemical Engineering department, NIT-Trichy.
Doing what I do best, I stretched myself across the length of my bed and was staring at the blank wall which instantly stared back at me. Once again, I went into the inner sanctuaries of my head and started thinking: What can I do to make my room different from the 300 odd rooms occupied by the others? How can I label it as something personal, something which would be truly radical, different, and a little insane but at the same time which would somehow be ME!
An idea struck and “inspired” by similar efforts made by a former senior (though I have to say that those efforts were not on the same level of hard-work or enthusiasm I put in!), I rushed to the Octagon, which is the Computer Centre of the College. With a little effort on my part and a lot of help from Google, I managed to find what I wanted: Images of my favorite Movies, Music artists, Television series and even Cartoon characters.
Next came the tricky part: Convincing the Guy in charge of the printing operations at the Octagon to allow me to take print-outs of the images on A4 sheets. I’m sure the lesser fortunate ones out there who’ve been to NITT can understand that achieving this was no mean feat. I somehow managed to convince him using broken English and extremely broken, in fact shattered, busted Tamil that I needed the pictures as a part of a folder which was to be presented to the Dean on the occasion of Festember, which is the annual cultural & literary extravaganza at NITT. It sounded hollow to my ears too but for some reason, he believed it and was about to handle the bunch of finished print-outs to me too.
As Lord Murphy would have it, at that very moment, the printer machine scoffed out an image of a “very hot” Elisha Cuthbert staring out of a poster from the movie “The Girl Next Door” and it took me another half an hour to justify and account for the presence of such a picture in a folder, to be presented to the Dean! Don’t even ask me how I managed to do it!
I grabbed the pile of print-outs as soon as I was permitted to and ran out of the Octagon. I casually flipped through the pages and realized I’d taken 200+ print-outs!
The next part was even more painful and took a lot more effort but the end result was so worth it! I finally managed to create “The Wall”: A space which defines me, every inch of which is filled with things I am crazy about: Images of Movies that have touched me and affected me like nothing else, Music artists close to my heart, Cartoon characters which have shaped my initial formative years & TV series which make me believe that there’s more to the tube than stupid Saas-Bahu serials, Mind numbing reality shows and News channels which give more footage to Aishwarya Rai Bacchan’s “Karvachauth” than the natural calamities in Africa.
When I look at the wall, which I do every now and then, I see more to it than just a collage of a few withering black & white images. I see more than the obvious message which comes across from the assorted mix of pictures stuck haphazardly on a wall. I see myself, like no one else, like never before.
Popularity: 3%
A Revival of Sorts..
Posted by Ashish as Uncategorized
Anyway I’m determined to take this from where I left now.
Its 11 pm right now and i’m sitting in the computer centre at IIM-Bangalore and its freezing outside. I’m here as a summer intern and working on this market analysis and strategy project,the details of which I dont even wanna get into here!
Quite a start. Think I’ll write more soon. Watch this space!
Signing off..
Popularity: 3%
Just a request
Posted by Ashish as Uncategorized
I can write some poetry at times- now, don’t laugh! I know, going by the kind of person I seem to be, it seems like a distant prospect but I still try! I’ll keep posting some of my “creations” every now and then.
If a few of you guys are patient enough to go through them and are wise enough to understand them (just kidding!), I’d love some feedback. Obviously I don’t write highly complicated stuff, but then again, I’d still like some feedback! In fact, not only for the poems, but for any of the posted articles too! Till then, Cheers!
Popularity: 3%
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